Tagged: flash fiction
Oh God This Is My Life Now Paperback Now Available
It’s been a long time coming – partly because Amazon initially shuffled my book together with someone else’s like Jeff Golblum and that random housefly – but the paperback of my 2023 Flash Fiction Month anthology Oh God This Is My Life Now is finally available for purchase! You can find it at Amazon UK and Amazon US among others, or at Smashwords (or pretty much any other store of your choice) if you’d like an ebook.
To give the book a bit of a boost, I’ve put together the customary quirky video explaining that it’s actually quite hard to sum up the 31 very different stories included in any of these anthologies, but hopefully doing so in a way that gets across the overall vibe of the thing. (Spoiler alert: the theme of the front and end matter in this one is “screaming.”)
The Unsettling Escapades of Captain Birthday
Flash Fiction Month 2023, Day 31
“Help!” shouted the old lady in the burning building. “Help!”
“Oh no!” said a random bystander, clapping his hands to his face Macaulay Caulkin-style. “Is there nobody who can help?”
“This looks like a job for Captain Birthday!” announced a spandex-clad hero, appearing out of nowhere to strike a dramatic pose beneath the window. “Stand back, citizens!”
Then he whipped out a gun and shot himself in the face. Continue reading
Goldilocks and the Persimmon of Ambiguity
Flash Fiction Month 2023, Day 30
Once uptown a thyme there livered a little grill named Goldilocks, who was known motocross the lamp forher flowering olden hare. Often she wood wend the bay wondering threw the armrest toe and Frome the louse of her Grond motherlode, and it was on joust suck an occlusion that she net the big bag woof.
“Nice to meat you,” said the big bag woof, in a friendless manor.
“My,” said Goldilocks, “Watt large hears you haven’t.”
“Awl the batter to ear you without,” said the big bag woof, who had leant the English language at Universal Collegiate Uxbridge, where he had bean a model stew dent.
Butt Goldilocks was a cleaver little grill and had encoded something line thus in another storey and was begetting to circumspect that she wood end up been Eton by the woof. Continue reading
When in Rome
Flash Fiction Month 2023, Day 29
Challenge #13: Write a story involving a journey to past times, based on two prompts from previous Flash Fiction Month events. Optionally, those two prompts must be chosen entirely at random.
My two randomly chosen prompts were:
Fixing this problem with a piece of duct tape and a slice of cake is not as easy as you make it sound. (AquaMoon1o1, 2015)
Write a story that hints at or leads up to a past or future betrayal, but leave it up to the reader to fill in the act itself. Can you write a story without mentioning its central plot asset? (OnLinedPaper, 2016)
“We were only supposed to go back five minutes for another shot at getting Taylor Swift tickets. How did we end up in 44 BC?”
“It’s either down to gravitational waves from supermassive black holes colliding on the other side of the universe,” said Bethany, “or you got sambuca in the controls again.”
“Hey!” snapped Carla, slopping wine on her top. “I’ve been super careful!”
“Friends, Romans, countrymen!” Caesar squinted for a moment. “Strange women I’m not sure I invited! Before we get down to banqueting, I just want to make sure that we’ve got enough knives.” He took a moment to check with the toga-clad men sitting either side of him. “Cassius? Good? And you, Brutus? You know what?” He turned to wave at a slave near the door to the kitchens. “Can we get a few more knives, just to be safe? Mid-March is a terrible time of year to run out of knives.” Continue reading
Air Gap
Flash Fiction Month 2023, Day 28
“Remind me again why they didn’t just drop this thing out of orbit?”
“It’s a lot easier to scrub a computer virus out of an existing refinery platform than it is to launch the million tons of metal it would take to build a new one.”
Hash cast a glance around the bodies strewn around the docking bay. “I’m worried that’s not all we’ll be scrubbing.”
“Be glad this place depressurised.” Shim tapped his helmet. “No decomposition in a vacuum.”
Hash took a closer look at the nearest corpse, sprawled by the airlock. There was a scar at the base of the skull, and the telltale outline of a battery harness beneath the neoprene jumpsuit. “That just trades one problem for another. There’s a lot of silicon in these stiffs…” Continue reading
I Didn’t Think I’d Have To Book It
Flash Fiction Month 2023, Day 27
Challenge #12: In collaboration with another author, write a story in which everything that can go wrong does go wrong, and a character either responds optimistically to all the disasters or is despondent from the start.
This story was written in collaboration with Francesco Sarti, who wrote everything up until Satan’s appearance.
“Why is he looking at me like that?”
“He’s probably pissed we had to walk all the way across the woods for the sacrifice.”
“How was I supposed to know there was a booking system for the woods?” Asked Barney. “Did you expect Friday to be a busy night for human sacrifices?”
Lisa rolled her eyes. “It makes sense if you think about it.”
“Lisa!”
“All right, all right.”
“I don’t like the way he looks at me.”
“We’re about to gut him and leave him bleed to death on a dirty rock. I’d be mildly annoyed too.”
“But he’s not.” Continue reading
The Idea Has Legs
Flash Fiction Month 2023, Day 26
“Gimme your wallet!” shouted the mugger.
“Uhhhhhhh…” His victim pointed down the alley behind him.
The mugger suddenly became aware of the sound of feet—lots and lots of feet—approaching at speed.
He turned. “What the…”
There was a meaty “thwack” as he was delivered a mighty uppercut.
“That’s right!” cried the newcomer, cracking his knuckles. “The city has a new hero—with the proportional strength of a centipede!” Continue reading
The God-King’s Flight
Flash Fiction Month 2023, Day 25
Challenge #11: Write a stream of consciousness story including a lyric from a song chosen at random.
My randomly selected song was Older by Alec Benjamin.
The god-king drops from the palace wall. Battle-drums hammer as the gates come down.
Bum-ba-da-da-da-dum.
Bum-ba-da-da-da-dum.
Lands hard. Stone tiles sting feet. Already grunts and hoofbeats—the invaders close behind. Faced with such foes, even a god must run, but the nobles in the garden still seem shocked. Faces watch blankly. They do not bow. Too much to expect them to stand before soldiers. One wearing a crown: he had ensured there would be none in line to claim one.
No screams as he leaves the nobles behind. The invaders do not want them. Not the palace or its wealth. They follow his footsteps by scent, drumming as they go.
Bum-ba-da-da-da-dum.
Bum-ba-da-da-da-dum. Continue reading
Some Time To Reflect
Flash Fiction Month 2023, Day 24
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!” yelled Stewie the intern as he shot out of the building. He was really doing rather well, all things considered.
“Hi,” said Abe, sparing just a moment to look up from his whittling.
“Oh my gosh, you’re not done yet?” Stewie stared in horror at the rough scrap of wood. “He was right behind me!”
“Bleargh—ow!” There was a dull thud from somewhere deep within the building.
“Nonsense,” said Abe, leisurely shaving off another strip of material. “We’ve got time.” Continue reading
Episode V: The Empire Types Back
Flash Fiction Month 2023, Day 23
It is a dark time for the rebellion. Although the Death Star has been destroyed, Imperial troops have driven the Rebel forces from their hidden base and pursued them across the galaxy.
“Son of a nerf-herder!” yelled Franz Yolo, pulling the Vanadium Aircon sharply to the left. “What was that?”
“HRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!” trilled his hairy companion, Spewchowda.
To aid in this mission, the dreaded Imperial Starfleet has employed a new weapon: a near-impenetrable wall of expository text scrolling across the galaxy. For too long had the war been fought with epic space battles and laser swords. Now foremost in the Imperial arsenal were detailed descriptions of taxation of trade routes to outlying star systems. Continue reading
Damon L. Wakes 