Tagged: joke

Retroactively Doesn’t Count

Flash Fiction Month 2016, Day 18

Challenge #8:  Write a story set during or in the wake of a disaster, featuring an anachronism.

There was a blinding flash of light, and a deafening bang.

“Well,” said Gaius Ofonius Tigellinus, squinting out over the burning ruins of Rome, “there goes the distillery.”

Emperor Nero didn’t say anything. He just kept singing. Badly.

There was another blinding flash of light, and another deafening bang, this time right beside the two betogaed figures on the palace roof.

“Ahh!” yelled Tigellinus. “By Pluto’s purple pectorals, what was that?”

“Hic!” said Nero. “Hic! Hic! Hic! Hic!”

Tigellinus wasn’t sure if he had developed a case of the hiccups or was just stuttering in Latin.

Continue reading

Project Proteus Resolution

For anyone who was suspicious about the fact that my Project Proteus competition coincided precisely with April Fools’ Day, you were on to something. At this point, having put together an online April Fools’ prank every year since 2013, I’d be a little disappointed if nobody was expecting one! For anyone who actually entered that competition, though, you may have had a tougher time spotting this year’s than most, effectively because it’s you who’s been pulling the prank this year!

Played just once, on just one device, Project Proteus appears to be a perfectly ordinary interactive story. If played again, it appears exactly the same. You can load the game up as many times as you like, and you will always have the same range of options to click through and explore.

However, the story experienced by another player on another device is probably not the same as yours.
Continue reading

Running Joke

Flash Fiction Month 2014, Day 25

“If you do another banana story this year, I will kick you in the groin.”

“Okay, fine. I promise I won’t do another story consisting of nothing but banana banana banana banana banana banana banana banana banana banana banana banana banana banana banana banana banana banana banana banana banana banana banana banana bananouch, my groin!”


If you’ve enjoyed this story, you can find my work from Flash Fiction Month 2012 and 2013 collected in OCR is Not the Only Font and Red Herring respectively.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Bunge

Flash Fiction Month 2014, Day 7

There once was a man named Benjamin Bunge. He was really smart, and all sorts of people came to him with their problems. One of these people was Wobble-leg Wenda, who liked the idea of skiing but was woefully bad at it.

“Try bungee jumping instead,” offered Benjamin Bunge. “Anyone can go bungee jumping.”

So she did, and it was lots of fun.

A few days later, Benjamin Bunge met Sweaty-hands Saul, who figured he was pretty good at basketball…until he got kicked off the team.

“Why not try bungee jumping?” As Benjamin Bunge pointed out, “Anyone can go bungee jumping.”

So he did, and it was lots of fun.

A few days after that, Benjamin Bunge bumped into Warty Wilfred, whose modelling career just didn’t seem to be taking off for some reason.

“Maybe bungee jumping would make you feel better about it?” suggested Benjamin. “Anyone can go bungee jumping.”

So he did, and it was lots of fun.

It was about a week before Benjamin Bunge met anyone else in need of help. But then there was a knock on the door, and standing there on the welcome mat was Eyebrows Elaine.

“I hear you help a lot of people out.”

“Let me guess,” said Benjamin Bunge. “Ridiculously massive eyebrows getting in the way of your career as a photographer? Fancy doing something different for a while?”

“Actually,” she said, parting her eyebrows to reveal a police uniform, “I’m investigating the recent death of Scissorfeet Steve…”


If you’ve enjoyed this story, you can find my work from Flash Fiction Month 2012 and 2013 collected in OCR is Not the Only Font and Red Herring respectively.