Tagged: devil worship

Appropriate Tributes

Flash Fiction Month 2017, Day 30

“Great Lord Satan! Ruler of Hell! Chap with the really awesome horns and rockin’ goatee! Accept this virgin tribute as a token of our servitude.”

“Yeah,” said Cindi. “About that…”

“Look,” said Arch Anti-Bishop Dave, pulling down his hood. “If you’re going to play the ‘Actually, I’m not a virgin’ card, you can just stop right there. The first thing anyone does in this situation is claim not to be a virgin to avoid getting sacrificed, and I’m telling you now it’s not gonna work.”

“Oh, no, look. I’m not trying to avoid getting sacrificed. Why would I have responded to your Craigslist ad if I was? I’m just saying, you never specified that you needed a virgin, and I’m not sure that I am.”

“How can you not be sure if you’ve had sex?!?”

“Well,” Cindi shrugged, which was awkward on account of hanging upside-down from the ceiling over a portal to Hell. “What counts as sex?”

“You know…” Dave did that “finger going in and out of finger-and-thumb ring” gesture. “Sex.”

“Yeah, obviously, and I’ve never done that. But are there…other things? That would count in this situation?”

Dave narrowed his eyes. “Like what?” Continue reading

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